CNN on "Mrs. Clegg"

Every breath you take, every move you make, they'll be watching you...

US senator Eugene McCarthy (best known for inspiring a band who went on to spawn cult heroes Stereolab... or was that Joseph McCarthy?) once said:

"Being in politics is like being a football coach. You have to be smart enough to understand the game and dumb enough to think it’s important."  

The parallels between football and politics are endless. 

In Spanish, the word for a political party and a football match are exactly the same. Curiously (and curiously appropriately in the case of the current UK administration!), the same word can be translated back into English as "split", "broken" or "cut into two".

Any Spanish-based readers who are remotely interested in the beautiful game and with spare cash to invest in satellite dishes and digiboxes will be more than familiar with the Monday-evening Canal + prog "El Día Despues".

Not to be confused with the 1980s post-nuclear TV movie "The Day After", this is a several-hour long dissection of the weekend's football - formerly featuring my "homeboy" Michael Robinson, no less - where, in addition to analysis of goals, fouls, penalties, near-misses and saves, every detail of a number of important matches are scrutinised in detail with the help of various pundits, some very, very long telephoto lenses and a crack team of lipreaders.

Profanities directed at the referees, bench talk, crowd gurning and on-pitch asides are filmed and occasionally subtitled, leaving little to the imagination.

Now it seems that British journalists have deemed this a good way of dissecting the spanking-new Conservative-Liberal Democrat coalition that is intended to govern the country for the next five years.

The Guardian - Britain's finest newspaper (IMHO) - started by taking an exclusive snap of Nick Clegg's scrawled notes  for his clinch meeting with David Cameron, and then proceeded to try and interpret it. Now the Guardian journos have sent a body language expert to analyse the... er... body language between the new PM and his deputy. 

This is what he found out.

It's a game of two halves, innit?

No comment

Did we really want a hung parliament?

Oh yes.

(Graffiti courtesy of street artist T.Wat - not, as one might suspect, the inimitable Banksy. Or not so inimitable, if you see what I mean.)

Post election analysis:
* Newsbiscuit
* Private Eye
* BBC
* Daily Mirror
* Der Speigel (in English!)
* Time
* The Times
* Financial Times
* Times of India
* Straits Times Malaysia
* New York Times
* LA Times
* Good Times
* Good Times Bad Times
* Daily Mail (humour)

Election daze...

It's that time again... another General Election.. this time back in dear old Blighty. 
Don't forget to click on the links!

But unlike in previous years it's not just another predictable re-run where the incumbent gets re-elected because the opposition are even worse. Oh no.

This time it's anybody's game. A few weeks ago outsider Nick Clegg (Liberal Democrat) was seen to be the winner of the first ever UK three-way (!) pre-election TV debate, with some journalists touting him as a British Obama. while Conservative David Cameron has bounced back despite various gaffes and potentially embarrassing accusations.

Even Gordon Brown, Tony Blair's successor as leader of the ("New") Labour Party has apparently regained some lost support following his "bigot-gate" faux pas.

Cartoonist Gerald Scarfe (before Mr. Clegg's stellar appearance at interview) considered that the British voter was "caught between two stools" , stool being the operative word.  You may recognise his style from the Pink Floyd album and film "The Wall".

Meanwhile, at the polls, many punters are putting their money on a hung parliament. Let those nice men at the BBC explain what that's all about by clicking here. Par for the course here in Spain, but something that hasn't happened in Britain since 1974, when everything was still black and white (and read whatever you will into that..).

The unthinkable is happening. Even old Labour stalwarts like "the Bard of Barking" Billy Bragg (remember Red Wedge?) have admitted they're turning their backs on Gordon "Bully-boy" Brown.

The internet (surprise surprise) is transforming this election, with Labour, Tory (that's Conservative) and LibDems all Twittering away... David Cameron has  been showing us what a regular guy he is despite his Eton-Oxford education on his "pioneering" Webcameron (clever wordplay there, Dave) since 2006 or so, when most people thought YouTube was best left to a plumber.

The net has also allowed the public to "get interactive" all over the election... the best example of this featuring the amazing "MyDavidCameron.com" where you can make your own customised mickey-take of any of a series of Conservative election posters, as on the right. Sheer genius... go on, have a go... you know you want to.

Also, YouTube is a great source of information on candidates... Cameron has his own "channel" of course, but you can also scrutinise this revealing clip of Gordon Brown picking his nose. Nick Clegg's Spanish wife Miriam "don't call me Mrs. Clegg" González is featured on this clip comically entitled Leaders' Wives.

Sky News have the best compendium of typically savage and sarcastic election campaign posters while the good old BBC have a great "as-it-happens" live feed. The Guardian have compiled the election morning front pages (of the newspapers, obviously) here, from the former Blarite Sun's "In Cameron We Trust" to the Communist Morning Star's blunt "Vote Labour".

Other election news involves former leader of the (thankfully minority) UK Independence Party (UKIP to its friends) who crashed his light aircraft after it became entangled in a VOTE UKIP banner, the daft banana. Remember Rajoy, La Espe and a helicopter? A bit like that.

As the votes slowly trickle in it seems that Clegg-mania was over-hyped, and that Cameron may be the biggest recipient of votes but that a hung parliament is looking increasingly likely. However it seems that a large turnout has lead to people being turned away from polling stations. Doesn't that happen in places like Iran and Zimbabwe?

As are endless yawnsome jokes about a well-hung parliament.

Here is the first of what I fear may be many.

And finally... a poster to remind us to Vote for Gordon (or not)..

Oh dear... I've just seen Joan Collins on the BBC telling the nation that she believes David Cameron has a "presidential look".

I honestly didn't realise she was still alive.